Letter to Scotland Yard


Dear Matthew,

Absolute surprise and pleasure to meet you and your entourage today when I answered bail at Charing Cross Police station.

Thank you for applying new restrictions on my personal freedom. I must say your idea of protesting at the Olympic Torch relay was inspired though you did stretch credulity when you placed a condition on my ‘entering the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead (this covers Royal events and Henley regatta and is not time specific).

My name is not Trenton Oldfield and if I was seen swimming in the Thames I’d have a Japanese whaling fleet nudging my tail fin and Greenpeace activists on the river bank in case I got harpooned. Rest assured, I ain’t going all David Walliams for anyone.

However, I must express disappointment at your dropping the restriction on my ‘going within 100 yards of the Olympic Torch Relay’. Given I live within approximately 100 yards of the route, this would mean I would be unable to live in my own house. But hey, why should I worry?

Your restriction on me entering the ‘City of Westminster on 09/05/2012 (State opening of Parliament) prevents me from going to work.

Last time I checked, I didn’t live in China, Iran or North Korea. But it’s beginning to feel like it.

  • I have no right in law to see my children.
  • I am not allowed the freedom of assembly.
  • I am not allowed to go to work.
  • And you are trying to put a restriction of me even living in my own home.

Until the law recognises me as a father, I do not recognise the law.

I will be in Westminster at 10.00am on Wednesday 9th May, doing my work as I do every day.

If you want to arrest me for breaching my bail conditions by going to work and selling ice cream, get on with it.

My name isn’t Abu Qatada and your name isn’t Sherlock Cones.


Matt O’Connor
PS, If you want my work address, google me.
NB For anyone who wants to share their thoughts with Matthew, his email is

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