Read Met Police The Riot Act

Proof if proof were needed, that Britain is as bad as Iran, North Korea or any other vile dictatorship we have propped up until we decide we want their oil. Two officers from the Met attended a meeting with F4J on Friday – yes doing their job – but employing all the emotional intelligence of a lobotomised baboon.

The scene was Le Pain in Covent Garden. In attendance were myself and my colleague Doctor Safdar who has a rough and ready bedside manner, ideal for the men from the Met.

Inspector Mark Kelly who covers St James and Green Parks is the Yards answer to Max Clifford.

Dispensing insightful marketing and pr advice without inducement, Mark Kelly told me, ‘I don’t think Buckingham Palace is a good place for a protest’. He must have missed our screening of The Dark Knight on September 13th, 2004.

I hope his policing skills are better than his pr ones, or we are all in terrible, terrible trouble.

I did offer him a ‘real’ job in marketing which appeared to upset him. Given the credibility of the Met has been shot (sorry) to pieces in the last year and that former Counter Terrorism chief Andy Hayman looked like a circus act in front of the Parliamentary Select Committee, I thought marketing might be a step up? Their main occupation these days seems to be looking at Facebook (isn’t that banned in the workplace?) and gathering ‘intelligence’.

Believe me, they need to be gathering all the fucking ‘intelligence’ they can get.

A real concern centered around the changing of the guard at Buck Palace on the morning of the 24th. ‘Lots of tourists’ he told me. It was clear we were dealing with some of the Met’s sharpest minds.

Things took a sinister turn when they said that anyone (from F4J) meeting in the Royal Parks would be an ‘unauthorised gathering’.

‘What about a parent holding a picture of their children?’ I asked. ‘If there were more than two of you, you’re nicked sonny,’ he told me.

And what about children? Anyone can be arrested, though reassuringly he told me children didn’t need handcuffs. Thank god for that I thought. For a moment I thought I was living in Iran.

All of which begs the fucking question, why go through the appropriate channels when our Police make such a hash of negotiating – why not got to fancy dress shop, pick up van and ladder and press go?

Freedom to protest? Not where our gun-toting, shoot to kill, inducement inclined public servants are inclined. Peel must be rolling in his grave.

Even Colonel Gaddafi would have let you rock round Green Square with a photo of your kids, but not the Met.

Finally, before I had arrived, I had been informed that they had visited one of my businesses before hand. Interestingly I hadn’t told them about my business, or asked to meet them there. ‘Tell Matt we are the Met Police and we are waiting for him at Le Pain,’ they told my staff in a fairly intimidating manner.

The meeting ended, standing, face-to-face, nose-to-nose with me informing him using a very rich strain of maritime language to go forth and multiply with offers of free dental work if a single child was arrested or they tried to intimidate me again.

Next time he wants a meeting, we’ll meet him at his house, take his kids then ask how he feels before placing him under a citizens arrest.

Last week the Met were wanting to round up absent fathers to take responsibility for their rioting children. This week they want to arrest the children of fathers wanting to take responsibility for their kids. After all the institutional corruption, phone hacking, the public execution of Mark Duggan (and others), and the kettling of young students, maybe this isn’t such a surprise.

What possible confidence can you have in a force that rules with threats and brutality against our children? Time to read them the riot act.

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