Controlling Behaviour? They’re Out Of Control.

As I sat in a surgery today facing a line up of lost souls hanging by a thread above the well of despair, I noticed how the lexicon of Cafcass reports and hostile solicitors letters regularly used the words ‘controlling behaviour’ to describe fathers.

Without wishing to say anything negative about the men in front of me, none of them seemed prepared for a typical domestic dispute over a remote control, let alone ‘mind control’ and host of other behaviours designed to incarcerate helpless, vulnerable women to a life of servitude. Because of the outstanding successes in feminism over the last 30 years, we are still lead to believe women are still cowering under the kitchen table when dad gets home after 10 pints of wife-beater.

Now, that isn’t to say family violence isn’t a serious issue, but by blanket casting all mums as ‘victims’, it only serves to divert resources away from the most vulnerable mums. It also plays to the sickening stereotype that mums are madonna’s and dads are demons.

The Fanatical Feminist Taliban would have you believe that all violence is men on women which conveniently ignores the unpalatable truth; most abuse on children is mother on child and a carousel of stepfathers pose a greater risk to children than any father – just ask the father of Baby P. Yet we have perverse situation of a nation of fathers living with anyone else’s children, apart from their own, be it the children of their new partners or of course the next Ian Huntly or Roy Whiting living with yours.

That Domestic Violence has become a euphemism for father on mother violence is bad enough (thats why we call it Family Violence).

But when these fanatics use a new lexicon to slander an entire gender, it shows how pathetic our campaigns have really been and demands that we confront this bigotry head on.

There needs to be a ‘face off’ with Feminism.

Lets start with ‘controlling’.

I’ll tell you who is controlling; Those parents – mostly mothers – who control when a father can and can’t see their children.

I’ll tell you who is controlling; Those so-called child-care professionals and judges who control when a father can and cant see their children.

I’ll tell you who is controlling; Court Orders which are by definition CONTROL ORDERS, worse than those used to control terrorists, used against parents to sanction them pathetic amounts of state appointed time with their flesh and blood.

In the midst of today’s role call of misery, I could see how we need to turn this and use this lexicon against the system.

If ‘controlling behaviour’ is domestic violence, the next time you fill in a court form, fill in the Domestic Violence box to claim legal aid. Report the matter to your Police station – contact denial is child abuse and domestic violence. Demand to see their DV officer. If they refuse, go with as many family members as you can muster and visit your MP. Book multiple appointments for each family member to make the point. Even if the Police do nothing (and they almost certainly will) get a crime number – fight the power!

The only people being controlled are us by people who are ironically themselves out of control. If each of us makes a small stand, we can turn this into a campaign of direct action.

Harman and Co might be a case of ‘ground control to Major Tom’, but sometimes little battles can turn into big wins. Like changing channels, you can choose to change how you are treated.

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