Breaking News: Feminist Taliban Launch New Gender War…

 

“This House Believes the Work of Feminism is Just Begininng.”

That was the debate, and nobody pretended that being a self-styled iconoclast was going to make you popular.

Last month I upset the Catholic Church with a series of controversial ice cream ads featuring nuns and priests in provocative poses, two of which have been banned by the Advertising Standards Authority. That said, I’ve had millions of pounds of free advertising as a result so a big thanks to the ASA then.

Last night I made the trip from Catholicism to Feminism in a single leap. Pioneers never have it easy with Indians shooting at you from one side and cowboys shooting at you from behind. Tonight was going to be no exception. Hard hats on, kevlar jacket on, studded jockstrap on – with the studs on the outside baby.

Now, its worth stating right from the outset that from my perspective there are two strains of feminism – the first noble, principled and based on the belief that both sexes should be treated equally. The second and now more prevelant strain, is one which appears to have a female supremacists agenda, a fanatical feminist Taliban if you wish.

Was last night mantrap? It didn’t look like it…

Did I feel like a Christian being fed to the Lions last night? I started to feel a bit hunted.

Did I know sacrificial lamb was on the menu? No, but I am Irish beef 100% BSE free and I turned out to be dish of the day.

Did I feel like a missionary who had crash-landed on an island full of testicle chewing cannibals. Fuck yes.

OK, I’ll admit I was more using incendiary material than an Afghan fuel depot. I mean who else would dare juxtapose the wonders of genital origami (when self-deprecatingly discussing things men were still useful for) with a mass debate about feminism?

I saw little point in tiptoeing round the issues trying not to offend. Fuck pussyfooting I thought, set phasers to max provocation. I aimed, I fired, I scored a direct hit that saw the entire place go up in giant scrotum sized balls of flame.

After the first speaker for the proposition had dissed 50% of the population, she received the sort of idolistic reception reserved for demagogues in China or North Korea. It was like I’d been transported to a Nuremburg rally for goose-stepping, jackbooted feminists.

I kept shifting uncomfortably in my seat expecting to be coshed around the head with a double-ended 12 inch dildo, kidnapped and tied to a lamppost outside by my testicles until I had repented for being in possession of a meat and two veg. Guilty as charged, gov.

But there I sat, stoically beside women’s refuge founder Erin Pizzey. She was also looking very uncomfortable. Before the debate, she had told us about the Police protection she once needed to protect her from fanatical feminists. Her speech rested on her lap, but she was never to read it.

These ladies make the Church of Scientology look like the WI I thought as I stood up, expecting to get airborne, but then run into catastrophic mid air turbulence like an episode of Flight Crash Disaster on the Discovery Channel. But I wasn’t even to get off the runway and it wasn’t due to pilot error.

One token man with a malfunctioning wardrobe, with 5 other female speakers, in a chamber full of vitriolic women and neutered men.

I thought I had other better things to be doing like watching the grass grow or watching some paint dry. Anywhere but here, would have been nice.

The shitstorm that broke out was terrifying. An entire room driven by an indoctrination every bit as powerful as some secretive cult.

This wasn’t a debating chamber. It was a gas chamber for free speech.

From the off there were sharp intakes of breath, tut tut tut tut tut’s, mutterings that rippled round the room before becoming waves of ideology seeking to drown out the opposition argument – that men and women should be treated equally. I tried to argue that the mind is like a parachute, it works best when its open. Except in Cambridge that is.

And where was the fucking cavalry?

Not one man stood up to defend fathers or fatherhood or even boys. One man said he would be delighted to be acclaimed as a sperm donor. What a wanker, I thought. Must have been a member of Feminists Need Fuckwits. There wasn’t even a single argument in support of our opposition to the motion.

The mob bayed, threatening, bullying, thuggishly, ignorantly, blindly stumbling to starve oxygen from the debate and quell any dissent against feminism. When I attacked single mothers and feminism for driving fathers from families and men from social work and teaching, the debate went nuclear. (see more evidence here from today’s Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8064435/Children-in-single-parent-families-worse-behaved.html)

It was like turning up at a flat-earthers debate with a globe and telling them the earth was round.

I thought a riot was about to break out and so did the President who was chairing the debate. He came close to suspending proceedings after he said my speech had gone off like a ‘hand grenade.’

But I carried on, I said I wasn’t a fucking feminist as they kept saying we all were. I had seen the damage wreaked by radical feminism in real life. I want nothing to do with the politics of hate or extremism but that is exactly what was peddled in the chamber.

Small wonder then that family breakdown and the family courts are taboo politically, socially and religiously, given the virulence of this particularly nasty and unpleasantly strain of feminism, the original avian flu.

There is no desire for harmony, no calls for reconciliation, just war, war.

Finally when Erin came to speak, she had surrendered. She didn’t read her speech. After she saw the frothy mouthed, rabid reaction to mine, I don’t think she could have stomached being attacked again. She talked about how she started the first refuge for women and how 30 years ago she discovered women could be every bit as despicable when it came to relationships as men.

The tragic reality though, was that the insidious force of feminism which threatened to visit violence upon her, is now so ingrained, the people so indoctrinated, that I believe the only way of confronting this extremism is to flush them out into the open as I did last night.

Only by confronting this gender war, can we begin to roll back the tide of indoctrination.

Finally I am relieved by one small revelation – on last nights evidence feminism has clearly had a sense of humour bypass so perhaps we can begin with a campaign of ridicule, satire and subversion.

That should get the pointy hat brigade and their plans for global domination airborne. Just add hubble, bubble, toil and trouble for Halloween and it will be broomsticks at dawn. Look out men, incoming at 4 O’Clock…

(A full text of the speech will be released over the weekend.)

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